2011 Forecasts

Today’s weather will be sunny…perhaps with or without some clouds…and maybe some rain or maybe not…with a possibility or not of snow…predicting the weather can be tough never mind looking ahead to a full year of coming history…so why not start a month late?

Thus my Top Ten List for 2011…forecasting* the future with my Windex polished crystal ball or if you prefer crystal cube or other non-politically non-religiously aligned predictive shape of shiny glassy stuff…

10. There will be civil unrest in the Muslim world (ok this may seem easy as I have had a whole month to observe events in Tunisia and Egypt but really has there been a year this has not happened?) I will piggyback on this the forecast that the media will tell us Islam is peaceful at least a zillion times and some Muslims will set their hair on fire because somebody will mention that Muhammad was kind of silly…

9. The United States will be blamed for most of the world’s problems (I hear this one every day, why does nobody pick on China, Saudi Arabia or Iran…or how about Australia…they must do something wrong…they do like cricket and that is weird).

8. George W Bush will be castigated as a puppet master of the world’s problems while at the same time being called a moron after over two years of being out of office (I was told to mock this when I went to my clandestine world domination conspiracy meeting in the restroom at Wal-Mart, its my tricky way of hiding the truth….we do get our orders directly from George every Friday afternoon during prayers…really).

7. Barrack Obama will give a dull pointless speech about nothing which the mainstream media will name as historic and heroic (a safe bet as it happens all the time…for example in the State of the Union speech…does he think “state of the union” means labour union?)

6. The price of oil will go up…as will fuel at the gas pump. (Is this what President Obama means by redistribution of wealth?)

5. Sarah Palin will find the cure for cancer and will be attacked by the media for being an air head and putting medical workers out of business (ok its farfetched but some people actually think Barrack Obama is a genius and has been curing the US economy by growing the national debt by so much his children will never see the day it is paid off….can you say foreclosure? I knew you could…)

4. A movie will be made that portrays CEO’s and /or businesses and/or the military as evil and/or dumb. No movie will be made which intentionally portrays Hollywood actors/actresses as evil and/or dumb.

3. Baseball will be more boring than watching paint dry or corn grow (how can a nation that loves NASCAR and guns like baseball? Then again they like Oprah who is like baseball on valium).

2. Wal-Mart will be blamed for putting competing businesses out of business…when it is really their customers who vote with their money and put the competition out of business…actually it is the bad businesses themselves that force themselves out of business (Hint folks: if you don’t like Wal-Mart do not buy their products…and leave everybody else alone who does choose to buy their products…and as for the constant complaining about sweat shops I notice those arguments are frequently from people who really do not want to earn money by rolling up their own sleeves and working out a bit of sweat).

1. The Canadian Broadcast Standards Council will ban the original version of the 1985 Dire Straits song Money for Nothing (proving once again that the council gets its money for nothing and Canadian free speech is in dire straits…click here for the controversial lyrics).

Now I forecast infotainment from my collaborator, the Queen of Forecast, the Doctor of Dissection, the beautiful, the lovely and clever Maximus…

* Warning I claim neither to be a prophet nor son of a prophet so if I get any of this wrong you cannot stone me…